The joke thread

Arly

Non-Shouter
Oct 3, 2007
1,733
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to
grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when England
win the world cup."
"You crafty cock!" said the fairy.
 

Arly

Non-Shouter
Oct 3, 2007
1,733
Q: What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
A: Banned from the petting zoo.
 

Braque

Member
Dec 14, 2005
2,256
How many SEO experts does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, light, bulb, lamp, lighting, switch, sex, xxx, hardcore?
 

Damonkey

Member
Mar 10, 2009
302
A man walks into a libary and asks for a book on chilean miners, the libarian says sorry but that wont be out till christmas.
 
OP
Gombur

Gombur

Guild Mascot
Sep 21, 2005
2,238
nTPGk.jpg
 
OP
Gombur

Gombur

Guild Mascot
Sep 21, 2005
2,238
My girlfriend was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.

"I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started........
 
OP
Gombur

Gombur

Guild Mascot
Sep 21, 2005
2,238
A geneticist, a physiologist and a physicist were summoned to meet a wealthy racehorse magnate. He told them he would give a million pounds to the one who could accurately identify race-winning horses. After six months of hard work, they returned to present their results to the expectant millionaire.

The geneticist said, "I've looked into all the current genetic research, checked blood-lines going back decades, but there are just too many behavioural and environmental factors. I can't help."

The physiologist said, "I've looked at muscle mass, bone volume and density, and all the other factors I can think of, but the problem's too complex. There's just no guarantee of predicting a winner."

Finally, the physicist calmly walks up to the millionaire and gives him an index card. "Here you go," he says "I've found an equation that solves the problem for you."

"Wow," said the millionaire, "That's impressive...I'll get my cheque book."

"Great. But there's one thing you should know," said the physicist. "It only works for a spherically symmetric horse travelling in a vacuum."
 

Braque

Member
Dec 14, 2005
2,256
More science jokes. If you don't laugh, people will think your ignorant.

Student recognizes Einstein on train & asks "Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop here?"

How many general relativists to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, the other to rotate the universe.

A neutrino walks into a bar, but doesn't order anything. It was just passing through.

Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side

Then he ordered a drink. A tachyon walks into a bar.

What's a tachyon? A gluon that's not dry.